Consistence.

   Consistence.

    That word holds a lot of power to me, in complete honesty with you guys. Consistency is something that I am almost thinking about constantly. It is how I judge myself, my friends and my life in general.

   I am consistently tired, consistently sad, consistently angry or down. I learned not to take my feelings moment by moment and try to change the consistency of them, I am not sure if it really works but I don't want to change my approach because I like consistency. I like when things stay the same, when everything that happens I know is coming and nothing is too out of the ordinary in compared to my every day life.  

 When it comes to my friends it something more like who is consistently in my life, around me and with me. I am bad at friendships, because I am a jealous friend and I tend to search more for best friends than just casual ones, which makes things difficult because sometimes people don't want the big friendships. On a positive note, if we are friends you know I am all in and you should have zero doubts about that. I'm working on becoming less jealous and more mentally able to keep casual friends.

   I also pay attention to consistence in my years, days and months. I dub years bad, and the past few have claimed that title. I will say, that 2018 has been a year that has not been completely terrible. It has broken consistence and has completely terrified me in ways that I can't really explain, but aside from all of that I feel a little happier. I would like to say It is because I have made myself go outside more, I've tried to focus more on self-care and on things that definitely interested me. Honestly though, I feel like while that is a large part of it, I do feel like it has a lot to do with the people in my life currently. I feel like the people I have right now have my back, care about me genuinely, and I feel closer to my family.

  I feel like one key life, mine at least, is making sure that I try consistently, it does not have to be all the time, but a consistent effort is something that really helps.

  later.